C/o: Soul

You are not me,

But almost like me.

You are not me,

But so much within me.

You are not me,

But always a part of me.

You are not me,

But always so close to me.

Here I pay Tribute to that You whom

I’m relentlessly trying to explore, understand, discover.

[My unsuccessful attempt to write a testimonial for my soul]

Unuttered Words!

Few words that would have made me a better human being, if only I would have uttered them at the right place and right time:

Thank You: I have heard people say it often. But couldn’t figure out the need to use it in my life. I have tried to say it many times but never found a situation suitable enough or a help great enough.

You are Welcome: Quite a mouthful. I was asked by many people to utter this sentence every time anyone expresses his gratitude to me. But whenever anyone says ‘Thank you’ to me, I feel so proud that I start regarding myself as the greatest person in the world. And before I get back to my senses it is too late to utter the words.

Good Morning: I always stay away from wishing people in the morning by convincing myself that “What’s so good about this morning?” This is happening from my school days when I used to be the most reluctant person to stand up when the teacher entered the class. I usually kept mum as everybody in the class shouted “GOOD MORNING MA’AM’.

Well Done: Well, I do utter it sometime, but with such a fake expression that nobody is impressed. Worse, they suspect that I must be pulling their legs badly. Sometimes I am truthful; sadly no-one believes my words. Truly, complimenting others is not my forte.

No: I simply envy those who are straightforward in life. I wonder why I always struggle to draw the line and save myself from unwanted hazards by saying a definite ‘NO’ whenever the situation demands. Life would be lot easier for me and others too if that would be the case.

I miss you: I can never recount a single incident when I uttered this beautiful word to someone. I mean you feel so good whenever you hear it from someone. It adds warmth to relationships. It’s my bad luck to know that I can never make someone’s day special by uttering these three words.

Sorry: I am stubborn, to say the least. The reason why I never say sorry even when I am 200% wrong. Hope I could change myself, but s…. (oops I almost uttered it)

Remembering The Future

I remember- the assembly hall and prayers, the graffiti in the toilet, the gossip between the classes, the hide-n-seek and lock-n-keys, the alphabets and numbers, my drawing book, the nursery games, my seniors in full trousers, my juniors with running nose, the swings I never dared to ride, the volleyball games I never played, the 15^th Augusts and 21^st Februarys*, the Friday parades, the Saturday holidays, the craft classes I bunked, the practicals I escaped, the geography classes I slept in, the long anxious wait for computer practicals, the spelling-dictation tests, the maths classes I hated, my Physics sir and his abuses, my English teacher, the maths tables, the rhymes, the school van, the biology books, the boring chemistry, the hawkers outside the school gate, the ever vigilant gatekeeper, the remarks in my report card, the zeros in maths class tests, the why-so-short tiffin-times, the project works and scrapbooks, the Annual Concert and Fest, the Radhaballavi during the Annual Exhibition, the mango trees, the open school stage, the meditation room, the late signs in my school calendar, the rainy days, the summer vacations, the smell of new books, the school badge and tie, returning home with soiled school uniform, the "get out of the classroom"-s, the imposition monster, the empty Fun Munch packets, the silence in the library, the money wasted on my biology box(it's still lying in my cupboard unused), the apron packet, the test tubes I broke in full sense, our dream magazine Sparkle, our famous ABCD Group and its secret missions, the writings on the blackboard, the roll calls, the "good morning teacher" and "I will never do it again(I used to repeat again and again), the brown papers and labels, the broken chalk pieces, the free classes, the result days, the Parent-Teacher meetings, the term exams, the homeworks I forgot, the synonyms and antonyms, the Tuqlaks of history, the Timbuktu of geography, Don Quixote and other stories from Radiant Reader, the matras in Bangla(well almost), the time-table, the piano room and Shakti House, the Sports Day, the friendly rivalries among the school Houses, my classmates I lost contact with but want to meet again, the infatuations(now I know the spelling and meaning both), the thrill of appearing in the board exam, the farewell day, the essays and letters, the loitering in the corridors, the instances when I escaped unnoticed with unpolished shoes from a surprise inspection, the game of football with brick pieces, the ping-pong cricket sessions, the chess tournament we organised in Class-V, the table-tennis board, our rival group SFFS(the name of their group kept on changing with the number of members they had), the partial teaching (I don’t like calling them teachers) and non-teaching staff, the Pechandra, the stories we developed between classes (Bees saal , TBMM and Lemre), the nicknames of my classmates, the bicycle of one of my dear friend, the Karate expert in my classroom(he is no longer my friend), the white canvas shoes and the black Naughty Boy shoes, the cruel third language teacher, the reluctant Bengali ma’am, the first day of every new session, the ‘Ratna’ of our class, the Jhanta Claus, our secret hideouts, Enid Blyton, the 6 books I lost in Class-VIII, the water bottles and tiffin boxes I forgot and lost eventually, the notorious tiffin stealer(s) of our class, the flat nose of one of my friend, our German teacher whom we fondly called ‘Mem aunty’, the wounds in the knee, the school bags, Natraj pencils and erasers(I used to call it rubber), the peculiar madame who unsuccessfully tried to teach us French in French, the last minute revisions before exams, the question papers, the thatched classrooms, the rabbits and the peahen, the Bill of our school, the Pondicherry trip, the funny Hindi sir, the small yet beautiful lake, the school printing machine, my Principal who is no more, the moral science classes, the PT classes, the last day in school, the goondas of our class, the fights with fake bullets, criss-cross and book cricket, the weekend recitation club, the Rabindra Sangeet we learnt in Class-III, the plays I enacted, the school captain I adored and the one whom I hated, the prefects and the unfair advantages they enjoyed, the stars I earned in class assignments(specially the one that I earned in Class-III), one of my computer teacher, one of my maths teacher(for the wrong reasons), my gang of friends….I remember my school days.

About the title: The name of my school is The Future Foundation School.

* The Mother's birthday- an important day in our school calendar

Hat trick!

Finally, the book worm has bitten me.

In my childhood days I use to hear people say “A book is man’s best friend”. But I ignored it on the point that I’m still a child. I was rather inspired by the saying- “All work and no play makes jack a dull boy” (only in my version work was substituted by study). Soft-hearted as I am, I felt very bad for Jack who lost his intelligence to the books and decided never to fall prey to them myself. So my tryst with book was limited to those covered with brown papers and with school stickers pasted on them (I later learnt a new name for them – Text Books). Thus, my style of study was somewhat similar to reading ‘text messages’, short and sweet with a bitter taste at the time of exams.

Then I grew up to realise the real meaning of the saying. I understood the power of books and its role in the overall development of a human being and realised what I was missing all these days. Suddenly I felt an urge to explore the wonderful world of books and make up for the mistake that I had made earlier. Still, as it happens all the time with me, my plan of making reading a habit was never realised due to my laziness which I have now diplomatically started referring as ‘lack of time management’.

But finally I’ve somehow won over my laziness and managed to finish a few fictions- three to be specific. Two of them were by Chetan Bhagat and the third one is a little serious stuff- Animal Farm by George Orwell. Ok, I agree it’s a child’s play for an avid reader. All the three are novella and very easy reading stuff. But nevertheless, for me it’s not a small feat. It was all about self-belief and determination [I know yaar; I’m exaggerating a lot :) but it’s pretty natural].

Coming back to the books I read, it goes beyond saying that I liked them very much. Thanks to the two writers who kept me hooked till the end with their power-packed writing skills. I liked Five point someone and One Night @ the Call Center because of its contemporary topic. Both were such a simple slice of life story but yet so well-written. And Animal Farm was superb. I won’t say more than that because I don’t have the audacity to comment on the work of such a great writer.

But this is just a few drops of the ocean. I hope I keep the spirit going and continue reading such gems regularly. So pleazzzzzzzzz, wish me Happy Reading!

Lame, who?... Me or the excuses?

It has been long I have not posted anything here. There are many reasons for that. In fact excuses. Or to be very precise lame excuses. I don’t know why, but they always come in the way between me and my interests, thereby killing them completely. I don’t have enough money and time to sue them. Other wise I would have put them behind the bars for mass slaughter. Although it might prove to be near suicidal for me, because I would have become a handicap without their support. But a brave man that I am, I would have still done that for the larger interests of me and myself.

I agree that these excuses always come to my rescue whenever I fall in the trap. They save me from the curses whenever I keep someone waiting for hours. They guard me from embarrassment every time I forget to wish my friends on their birthday. They are the saviour whenever I have to bunk office. What’s more, they have been with me since my childhood days. Just like a true friend who always comes to your help in your need. How can I forget those days when I have to cling to them for help whenever I reached school without completing my homework. I still feel nostalgic while recollecting those great escapes, after a bad class test or term exam. “The teacher is very miser in marking.” – I would say to my maa with an innocent look, “Other wise, believe me, no body could have stopped me from scoring 90%.” But when it comes to my interests, I must confess, they have been a deterrent for me. I would have been a better person minus all those lame excuses saving me by fighting my case, albeit illogically. I can never forgive myself for missing all those opportunities which I ignored. Who knows, I would have been a more successful man today if I refrained from giving excuses in favour of not availing those opportunities. But now I realise, it’s high time I defeat them and grow into a more disciplined person. I really need to turn the tide to my favour and make good fortune out of it. The fight is on, let’s see who wins.

The million dollar window seat!

That day I discovered the window seat, all over again. At 35,000 feet above the ground to be precise. I have always been a lover of window seat. Every time I board a train or travel by a bus, I hardly miss a chance to grab the window seat. And once there, I never get tired of catching a glimpse from it. No matter how long and tiring the journey is, I don’t feel the urge to read or talk with my fellow travellers. I just detach myself from everything and get hooked to the beauty outside. I don’t know why, but almost everything from that window seat seems nice to me. It presents life in a whole new frame to me and more often than not, it’s pleasant. There is something in it that heals my soul. And if there is cool breeze to accompany, then it’s all me and the window seat.

In the flight however, the window seat is not that an ideal canvas to showcase joy. But that day and that journey was something different. As I checked in I was delighted to see the seat number. It read ‘17A’. That means another day out beside the window. Great! But pity, the journey will last only two hours - I said to myself. So, I moved up the flight stairs, with a mixed reaction (guessing wildly about my co-passenger as I always do). Soon, the hostess’ announcement followed the take off, taking us up into the air.

I looked at my watch. It was 6.30 in the evening. The sun was slowly saying goodbye to the world after gifting another scorching summer day. The last signs of it left an orange tinge in the sky. The twilight provided a vibrant backdrop to the cityscape. It brought with it the promise of a pleasant evening. Few minutes later, the Public Addressing System distracted me. It was a routine announcement from the hostess. ‘The outside weather is rough. Kindly don’t unfasten your seat belts’. Surprised, I looked outside again. And what I saw was an experience of a lifetime.

It was a cloud nine experience, right from the word go. For it’s not everyday that you get a chance to cruise down the mountains of cloud and play hide-n-seek with the moon. It was truly an out- of- the- world experience. The world seemed like a small place to me. First time in my life, I felt humble realising how small I am in this vast universe. Suddenly, everything worldly seemed trifle to me and I rose above worldly pleasures. The rest is divine. Hard to describe in words. All to experience and cherish.

Yawwnnnnnn.........................

If laziness is a quality, I've it in plenty. May be there are people lazier than me, but sorry, I am too lazy to find them out. I know you must be thinking what's a big deal in it. It takes nothing to be lazy. But believe me, there's more to laziness than it meets your eyes. For one, it takes a lot of hardwork and determination. I mean, it's really hard to ignore all the education that force you to believe that you have to burn all your energy to succeed in life. It was hard, but I did my best to not waste my energy pondering on such preachings. It worked, and here I am, all happy and 'successful' with no energy loss.
Being lazy also means you have to face unwanted critisisms from people who just can't afford to be lazy( and therefore hate those who enjoy the privilege). In this situation, remaining focused helps. Don't give in to all the critisisms, just keep improving your laziness quotient and a day will come when everybody will give up. It's all about being consistent. Complacency is the key word to success. Not surprising, I give a lot of room to it. There is nothing called "once a lazy, always a lazy". You have to keep striving hard always.
All things said and done, I am still far away from attaining perfection in the trait. But one thing is sure, I will never stop trying to perfect the act. Believe me, I have also quit energy drinks. Now that's a sacrifice big enough to prove my sincerity.
So now that you are aware of the pains, I think it's doesn't go with my nature to keep writing and waste my energy. I will end with a small request, next time you come across a lazy bum, don't curse him, just try to recollect this writing.